I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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