I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
