I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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