all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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