She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
home. puking in laundry basket.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize