omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
