I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
