I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize