you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
