I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
