Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
