Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
