You're completely useless in the revolution.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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