last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
