Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
