I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
