why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
We had to coat check the pizza.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
