....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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