if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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