My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
