MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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