so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
