So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
