last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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