Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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