i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
