You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
