The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
