You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i love accidental penises.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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