I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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