I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
