we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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