once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
