I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Randomize
