Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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