??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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