taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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