I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
