winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
