just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
