I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
