I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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