Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
