South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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