another moral hangover. fuck.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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