I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
