The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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