Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
