you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
