you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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