somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
