is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
