I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
