My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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