god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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