I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
