i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
