it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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