why didn't you poke me back
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
