and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
We were destined to go to rehab together
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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