they need to just BURY HIM!
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
