in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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