Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Randomize
