i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize