My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
