I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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