Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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