finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I DEMAND FORESKIN
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
