I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
