Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Randomize
