i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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