uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
