Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize