the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
