and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
