i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
