when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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